Brain Droppings

Topic 6: Sunrise

2009-12-05T23:38:01Z

I’m sure for most everybody, there was nothing remarkable or noteworthy about May 28, 2009. And why would there be? It was just another random Thursday. But for me, it is a day that will forever be etched into my memory. It’s a day that I’d had circled on my calendar for months and one I’d been working toward for the previous three years. That day was the culmination of a journey that I’d poured every scrap of my heart and soul (not to mention my sanity) into. I was finally graduating.

I was up before the sun that morning, sitting on my back patio, drinking cup after cup of coffee and just enjoying the complete stillness and silence of the world. It still felt utterly surreal to me to be sitting there, just a few hours away from walking across that stage and accepting that incredibly hard-earned piece of paper that finally drew one chapter of my life to a close. In those moments before the sunrise, I found myself thinking back over the course of my journey, through all of its ups and downs, all of its twists and turns. Though the journey itself was tumultuous, at best, I found myself profoundly grateful and very much at peace as I reflected on it all.

The years after high school by and large were filled with… nothing really. Some of them were spent drunk, some of them high, some of them both drunk and high. I took classes at several junior colleges here and there but did little more than just sort of float by. I had no plan, no future aspirations and frankly, no worries. I had a job that paid the bills and allowed me to play so life was good. When my biological father died in 2004, that all changed and I found myself being propelled down a different path than the one I’d been treading.

His death, as strange as it seemed to me at the time, freed me from an enormous amount of baggage I never realized I was carrying. His death made me realize that I wanted to live rather than simply exist, that I wanted and needed to succeed, to make something of myself just to prove him wrong, just to spite him. And so, after an intense amount of soul-searching, I laid my plans and got to work. It was time to get myself back into school. And so, I got all of my ducks in a row, all of the proper paperwork filed and in the Spring of 2006, I began my first class as a History major at Cal State Long Beach.

It would be a nice ending to the story if I’d cruised through school and graduated in a peaceful and serene, Norman Rockwell kind of way. That unfortunately, wouldn’t fit in with the status-quo of my life I suppose. It was a struggle and a fight every step of the way to make it happen. When I first enrolled, I didn’t anticipate the impact the ups and downs of normal, every day life would have on me. Working full time and trying to take classes on top of it is difficult enough as many, many, many people will tell you. But my time in school was also marked by a nasty falling out with my parents… an eventual reconciliation and healing… my mother’s breast cancer diagnosis… her victory over the disease… being very much in love with somebody and after a lifetime of running away from the word “marriage” getting very comfortable with the idea… only to have that come crashing down around me… my mother being laid off from the company where she and I worked after 15 years and being unable to find another job… the 16, 17 and even 18 hour days that were a staple of the previous three years and of course, the normal pressures every student faces to produce and to excel. Looking back on it all, though they all sucked at the time, I realize that through them, I learned more about myself than I could have in any classroom. I learned that I’m stronger than I ever thought I was… that in the face of tremendous obstacles, I can dig deep and overcome them. I learned that even when it feels like the world is ending, I can indeed persevere and stand strong. In my own way, I’m thankful for having endured all of those experiences. They’ve tempered me, made me stronger and have made me appreciate the experience in ways I never even imagined.

But of course, nothing is ever accomplished in a vacuum. Without hundreds if not thousands of people supporting them, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin never would have set foot on the moon. Not that I’m comparing my degree with the moonwalk, but I hope you get my point. I was and still am surrounded by some of the most amazing people to have ever walked on this planet… from the professor who believed in me enough to bend the rules to allow me into the Honors program (despite not having the requisite GPA at the time) to my friends who listened to me whine and kvetch over every single tenth of every point with grace, to those same friends who never stopped inviting me places despite the fact that I usually had to decline, to my then-girlfriend who painstakingly pored over my papers and offered many suggestions for improvement, to my best friend in the world who picked me up when I was really down and needed her the most, to my family (most especially my sister) who kicked me in the ass when I needed it… though I had to find it within myself to stay focused and disciplined enough to do what I needed to do, without all of those people picking me up, encouraging me and pushing me onward, it would have been a hundred times more difficult.

As the sun broke through the clouds that morning revealing the most perfect sunrise I’ve ever seen, I paid my respects to my journey, to its conclusion and said a sincere and heartfelt thank you to all of those wonderful people in my life. It’s because of where I came from and all of the adversity and obstacles I overcame (some self-created, some not) that I came to value and cherish my graduation so deeply and so profoundly. I’m the only person in my family to have ever graduated from college… and with Honors at that. So I hope I’ll be forgiven for romanticizing and savoring the feat a bit.

As I stepped out into the morning sun in my cap and gown, it really hit me that I’d finally scaled a mountain and that this was a milestone in my life that would forever be special to me. And though there are more mountains in front of me as I pursue my ultimate goal, this is something I'll forever be proud of.

This is my entry for therealljidol Season 6, Topic 6 "Sunrise". Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to stop by once the polls go up and read some of the fantastic entries!

Your Gluttonyfest 2009 Edition of the Weird News

2009-11-29T09:45:15Z

So how was everybody's Turkey Day? Have we made a full recovery or are we still in the grips of a tryptophan coma? Or did you snap out of it and indulge your masochistic side by getting out into the Black Friday crush?

Turkey Day here was really, really nice. The sister-unit, her boyfriend and I got started early and put together a nice little spread while watching the football games. Turkey, stuffin', (I made a special batch of stuffin' because the sister-unit freakishly enjoys apples and raisins in her stuffin'), green bean casserole, brandy sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, gravy and rolls... it was all good. Except for the fact that we somehow managed to forget to make the deviled eggs. Bummer. I love deviled eggs. For dessert, the sister-unit put together a tasty gingerbread and pumpkin treat. So it was the sister-unit, her boyfriend, his daughter, the niece-unit, our uncle and I for Turkey Day dinner... lots of laughs and a really good time. After we'd finished dinner and got the clean-up out of the way, the 6 of us played a game of Scattergories which brought on even more laughter and fun. All in all, it was a fantastic evening.

The one bummer (aside from the no deviled eggs thing) was that as we sat down to eat, the parentals called the sister-unit. Because they go up to the step-father's family's house every year, she assumed that they were just calling to say Happy Turkey Day and said that she'd call them back after dinner. Apparently though, pops got sick and at the last minute, they decided to stay home instead of heading up north. We felt absolutely awful that they spent the holiday alone. And that awful feeling was only compounded when we cruised over to their house the next day and found out that they'd enjoyed a Turkey Day "feast" which included canned yams and Stove Top stuffing. We seriously felt terrible that their Turkey Day dinner was spent alone and included such craptacular food. We of course brought over a ton of the leftovers so they could at least have some proper Turkey Day fare, even if a day late. It would have been nice to have had them there with us though.

Well... Here's hoping everybody had a wonderful Turkey Day... and if you were out in that Black Friday madness, here's hoping that you're alive and intact.

So... on with your Gluttonyfest 2009 Edition of the Weird News....

From the "Oh, You Shouldn't Have" files... Wondering what to get that special somebody for the holidays? Well look no further than the Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington, Illinois where they are offering shiny, sparkly jewelry made from... reindeer dung. Yes, surprise your loved one with the "Magical Reindeer Gem" necklaces. I mean, who doesn't like wearing dried crap around their necks?

From the "House of 1,000 Corpses" files... A real estate agent in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana got a nasty surprise while showing a house to prospective buyers. In the basement of the house, they discovered a pile containing roughly 100 human bones. Apparently, the previous residents would occasionally discover the bones in their yard and simply toss them into the basement. Adding to the creep factor of the house, it was apparently built on top of a circular mound which parish officials believe is an Indian burial mound. Nice... didn't anybody involved in the building of the home ever see Poltergeist? You just don't build houses on Indian burial mounds!

From the "Mr. Mom" files... An 18-year old in Indianapolis was recently pulled out of his high school classroom and arrested on charges of burglary, robbery, criminal confinement and pointing a firearm. Detectives said that the 18-year old was one of two suspects that forced their way into a home and began ransacking it. However, when a baby began crying, he warmed a bottle in the microwave and gave it to the infant. So take note ladies... he may be a thieving scumbag but at least he's good with kids! Or at least he will be once he gets out of prison.

From the "Super, Super Freak" files... 39-year old Charles Hersel of Thousand Oaks, California has been arrested and charged with "misdemeanor child annoyance" after contacting teens on MySpace and paying them to perform... certain acts. According to several students from Westlake High School in Ventura County, Hersel paid them to slap him and yell profanities at him. He offered cash to the teens to urinate and defecate on him. He was finally arrested after paying a teen the whopping sum of $31 to spit in his face. $31? How in the world did they arrive at that figure? Police said Hersel's motive "wasn't clear." Wasn't clear? How about the motive is... Hersel is a sick and disgusting FREAK?

From the "Til Death Do Us Part" files... 39-year old John Gerholt of Bedford County, Pennsylvania has been charged with forging documents to "steal" a cemetery plot next to his wife... a wife that he allegedly shot and killed in November 2008. Gerholt claims that he "accidentally" shot his 24-year old wife Karen with a sawed-off shotgun... twice. Gerholt's attorney Thomas Dickey said, "This is just another sign of his true love and devotion to his wife, albeit deceased." Wow... he makes cold-blooded murder seem almost romantic, doesn't he?

From the "Special Place in Hell" files... 24-year old Trista Joy Lathern of Waco, Texas recently held a benefit that netted some $10,000 that was to go for her cancer treatment. Unfortunately for all of the folks that donated to Trista's cause though, it seems that all of the hard-earned cash they so willingly gave was actually going to pay for her... breast enlargement. Trista has been charged with "theft by deception" but I think there's a real special spot in hell waiting for her.

From the "Sick Day" files... 29-year old Aaron Siebers of Edgewater, Colorado was recently arrested and charged with filing a false report and obstructing a police investigation after staging an attack on himself all in a ploy to miss his shift at the video store. Siebers apparently stabbed himself in the leg and superficially cut various other places on his body and then told police that he was assaulted by 3 men dressed in black who were either Hispanic or skinheads. Seriously dude... next time you want a day off, I'd suggest throwing yourself in front of a small car or maybe just doing what everybody else does and just fake a cough!

From the "Grassy Knoll" files... Well, we've heard of the Twinkie Defense now get ready for the Jabba Defense. 62-year old Edward Ates is on trial, having been charged with killing his son-in-law and is using a rather unique defense... he was too fat to have committed the crime. Testifying for the defense, a doctor claimed that even though Ates is an expert marksman, he simply could not have made the shot that killed his former son-in-law, Paul Duncsak. The doctor claims that Ates' weight would have prevented him from racing up a flight of stairs and making the accurate shot prosecutors allege because the exertion would have left him short of breath and shaking. Just when you think you've heard everything...

From the "Good Parenting" files... 37-year old Jackie Knott recently pled guilty to endangering the welfare of a child and will spend 5 days in jail after letting her 13-year old daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of her van. Knott's defense was that the box wouldn't fit inside the van so her daughter was simply weighing it down while she drove. I suppose that's better than using the "too fat" defense.

From the "Persistence Pays" files... 68-year old Cha Sa-soon of South Korea recently passed her written drivers test... on the 950th time she took it. Sa-soon has been attempting to pass the test since 2005 but until that magic number 950, had failed to hit the required 60 out of 100 necessary to pass the test. But now that she's passed the written exam, she must take the actual driving test... yikes. Here's hoping the residents of Seoul keep their children indoors and keep themselves away from streets and sidewalks while Sa-soon is testing. This could be a very long few years for the people of South Korea.

And finally... a bonus clip for ya'll. This is an actual customer complaint call that is just hilarious. Especially at the very end when this good ol' boy thought he'd hung up the phone. Enjoy!

Happy Turkey Day!

2009-11-26T16:34:26Z

HAPPY TURKEY DAY, KIDS!!!
I'm very thankful for my family and my friends... my life is infinitely richer and better for having all of them be a part of it.

And to quote the great Jon Stewart: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

So eat, drink, eat some more, be merry, be bloated, hurl and repeat the process all over again. And most of all, have a very safe, very happy Thanksgiving ya'll... however you choose to celebrate it. Much friendship and love to you and yours.

Topic 5: Bearing False Witness

2009-11-22T22:46:32Z

From: J.C. <thebigjc@godmail.net>
To: humanity
Fri. Nov. 20, 2009 @ 6:30 p.m.
Subject: Bearing False Witness

Dear People,

It’s come to My attention over the last, oh 2,000 years or so, that some of you are responsible for doing some seriously heinous crap in My name. War, deprivation, discrimination, bigotry, murder, reality television, genocide, denying people their rights, their dignity and their humanity… and that’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, my friends, believe me I could go on and on. And some of you folks out there committing these atrocities think I’m really down with it? Seriously?

I tried to make it really easy for you, folks. I really did. I even wrote down a handy little list of rules for you to follow… ya’ll remember that list, don’t you? Thou shall not kill, thou shall not steal, thou shall not have other gods before Me, thou shall honor thy mother and father, thou shall not commit adultery, yadda yadda yadda… any of this ringing any bells, boys and girls? Yes? Good. Because this brings Me to the point of this little missive to ya’ll… I realize that most of you aren’t out there killing, stealing or coveting your neighbor’s wives. But it’s become increasingly clear to Me how many of you are perfectly comfortable bearing false witness in order to justify committing some of the above mentioned things that don’t make Me happy.

One would think after 2 millennia of watching you folks down there, seeing what you’ve done and ascribed to Me, that I wouldn’t have the capacity to be surprised anymore. Trust Me, nobody is more surprised at My surprise than I am. Do you folks really, really think that I’m all in a tizzy about things like same-sex marriage, the teaching of evolution and prayer not being in public schools? And on the flip side of that, do you folks really, really think I condone actions like murdering a doctor in cold blood simply because he performs abortions, physically harming somebody because of their ethnicity or because they happen to be gay or discriminating against somebody based on their race, gender, religion or sexual orientation? If that’s what you take from My teachings, then to quote that classic movie Cool Hand Luke, (yes, I admit that I am a huge movie buff), “What we got here is a failure to communicate.” Much in the way films are “based on” books (meaning, films bear little to no resemblance to the book) you folks bear false witness in order to push a rigid and ideological social agenda that seems “based on” My teachings.

And you’ll have to forgive me but when I look at the “leaders” of this ideological movement, about all I can do is scratch My head and say “WTF?” I mean really, this collection of misfits are who you folks put your faith and trust in to be the voices of morality, to advance your agenda which is “based on” what you perceive My teachings to be? Folks like Senator David Vitter from Louisiana who was caught frequenting a local brothel… and though it doesn’t specifically break any of My Commandments, I have to say that the whole diaper thing is pretty freaking weird. Or how about the very outspoken same-sex marriage opponent and former Senator, Larry Craig from Idaho who got himself caught in a men’s room in Minnesota, toe-tappin’ as he trolled for some hot man-on-man action? We could mention the former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals, Reverend Ted Haggard who admitted to using crystal meth and engaging in sexual relations with a male prostitute. We could talk about Nevada Senator John Ensign who recently admitted to having an affair outside of his marriage or perhaps Governor Mark Sanford who lied about hiking the Appalachian Trail so he could fly on down to Argentina to engage in some sex with somebody other than his wife. And of course, I think I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention the former Miss California Carrie Prejean, that bastion of morality and virtue, that spreader of the Gospel who… also seems to have a number of explicitly sexual photos and videos floating around out there. I could seriously go on all day long but I think you catch My drift. The list of folks who bear false witness for the sake of pushing their rigid social ideology, who have not just skeletons but entire graveyards in their closets, is longer than the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica series.

Look folks, if you want to live a certain way, by certain values, more power to you. If you want to interpret (or misinterpret as the case may be) the Bible to live in a way that fits your own ideologies, I’ve got no problem with that either. But when you deliberately bear false witness and attempt to force others to live beneath the yoke of your interpretations and ideological structures, that’s not so cool and it kinda pisses me off. Despite what Fred Phelps and others say, I don’t in fact, “Hate Fags.” In fact, if you were to actually read My teachings, you’d see that I’m not so into hate… you’d actually see that I’m more about peace, love, kindness, compassion and respecting one another. And believe Me, life would be so much easier for all of you down there if you learned how to respect one another in spite of your differences. So stop already with the lying, the bearing of false witness, the misinterpretations and twisted ideologies in an effort to make others live the way YOU think they should live otherwise, I’m going to have to come down there and go all Old Testament on you. Just kidding… just a little divine humor... sort of.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must sign off as I’m about to go catch a viewing of New Moon. Hey, even deities enjoy some brain candy now and again. And just in case you were interested, I’m so totally on board with Team Edward.

Respectfully Yours,

J.C.

This is my entry for therealljidol Season 6, Topic 5 "Bearing False Witness". Thanks so much for reading and once the polls are up, I'll post a link so you can read some of the other fantastic entries!

Topic 4: Throwback Week...

2009-11-14T20:13:10Z

Back in those crazy, impetuous days of my youth, my definition of beauty, devastating or otherwise, pretty much extended to “blonde, brunette” or even better… “redhead.” What can I say, I’m a boy. Back in the day, I worked as a gondolier in Long Beach and I have to say that life was pretty damn good. One of the perks to being a gondolier was that if you hung around long enough, (and the owners of the company actually liked you) you were eventually invited to be part of the only American team that traveled to Italy to compete in the Vogalonga, a 30 km gondola marathon first organized in the early 70’s as a tribute to the culture and traditions of Venice. Oh yes, back in those crazy, impetuous days of my youth, my horizons were vastly broadened and my definition of beauty (among other things) was forever altered.

When my boss called me one day and asked what my plans for what I knew to be Vogalonga week were, I assumed he was going to ask me to house and dog-sit for him… as he’d done the previous couple of years. Being the good soldier I am… and honestly, I liked him a lot and he had a killer house so it wasn’t *that* big of a hardship… I responded by saying I assumed I’d be living in his digs for the week. When he asked how I’d feel about going to Italy, I just about soiled myself then and there. I couldn’t believe that it was finally my turn and that I would soon be heading off to Europe for fun and adventure.

Because there were things I specifically wanted to see and do, I made the decision to travel solo so I wouldn’t have to conform to anybody else’s schedule/agenda. Being that it would be my first time going Euro, to paraphrase the late, great Sinatra, I wanted to do it my way. And maybe because it would be my first time setting foot on an airplane, a little part of me just didn’t want anybody I knew to see me terrified out of my skull, whimpering and crying for the 13 hour flight.

So after bumping around London and then Paris for a while, with minor stops in Dover and then Calais, I made my way down to Venice. On the train down, I shared a car with an Italian man also heading for Venice… he spoke very little English and I spoke very little Italian, but somehow we made it work and carried on a fantastic conversation… which included much pantomiming… most of the way down. Upon arriving at the train station in Venice, my new friend dragged me over to meet his mother and sister (brunette) that were waiting for him to arrive. After brief and linguistically-challenged introductions, it was clear that they were heading out so I stuck my hand out to bid adieu to my friend and his family. Ignoring my hand, he grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me close, kissing both of my cheeks… which initially freaked me out. Obviously, I was not in Kansas anymore. After our goodbyes, I toted my luggage out of the station and got my first look at the city of Venice. Amazed doesn’t even begin to describe my feeling as I tossed my bag down on the steps, sat down on it and just took it all in. I watched the vaporettos, the produce barges and the water taxis cruising down the canals like a watery version of a So Cali freeway and the people of Venice just doing their thing, oblivious to my awe. It seems so strange to be in awe of people going about their daily lives. But to me, having never set foot outside of my Southern California bubble, it was all so foreign, exotic, and amazing that I couldn’t help but be in awe.

Eventually, I made my way to the hotel we were booked into for the week. I’d arrived before everybody else and too early to check in so I stowed my bags and decided to head out to soak up more of this strange and wonderful new universe. I avoided the touristy-areas like the plague and opted to wander around the real Venice, finding my way in little back streets, just watching, observing and absorbing every single detail that I could. It was in all honesty, humbling to walk streets that existed long before my own country had ever been thought of… streets that were centuries old. I noticed every chip in the plaster walls, studied every bit of graffiti I saw, trying to interpret its meaning and touched everything I could, as if I could soak up hundreds and hundreds of years worth of culture through osmosis or something.

My little walking adventure led me to a small alleyway that dead-ended at one of Venice’s famous canals. Strolling to the edge, I looked down at the water totally entranced by it. I’d like to say it was fate or some sense of serendipity that led me down that alley at that precise moment, but it wasn’t anything like that. It was simply curiosity and the need to see/feel/touch everything I could see… much like a 5-year old. As I stood there touching the walls beside me, looking down into the water, I heard a piano begin to play from the building across the canal from me. It was nice but not anything particularly special though I continued to listen for a few minutes. But then she started to sing. I was absolutely rooted to the ground as her voice came to me through the open windows of that building. I’m sure it sounds cliché if not entirely trite to say, but her voice was powerful, it was magical, it was passionate and it was pure. I’ve always liked music, I’ve always enjoyed music but I’ve never been moved by music. Until that moment. In that moment, I learned what devastating beauty truly is. To this day, I’ve never heard a voice so naturally beautiful.

I sat down on the edge of that canal and just listened to this woman for close to an hour. I could have sat there listening all night. Eventually, the music ended though I sat there for a few more minutes hoping that she’d begin singing again. When it was clear that she was done though, I got up and continued my little expedition around Venice with her voice still in my head.

In a trip filled with fun, adventure, a few scary and even more amazingly wonderful moments, my time spent listening to that beautiful voice stands head and shoulders above the crowd. It was such a gift and something I will never forget. And though I never saw her, I’ve always fancied her to be a redhead… I am still a boy after all.

This is my entry for therealljidol Season 6, Topic 4:"Moments of Devastating Beauty". Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to check out some of the other fantastic entries!

Topic 3: Smile

2009-11-06T23:45:03Z

The pictures, as they so often do, told the whole story. One set of photos showed people captured in a moment of joy and celebration. Arms raised up, eyes wide, smiles wider, their faces flushed with a look of triumph. The other set of photos showed people in their moment of agony and despair. They clung to one another for comfort, for consolation. They were grief-stricken and dejected, their eyes red and moist, their faces streaked with tears, reflecting little more than hopelessness and despondency.

The faces in those photos are all strangers to me, but I’ve seen them before. I’ve seen their pain and anguish mirrored in the faces of others time and time again in city after city, in state after state. Just as I’ve seen the faces of those who are again claiming “victory” as if this were some sort of game. And every time I see those smug, smiling faces, I’m filled with the same sadness, the same disgust and the same rage. For that excitement, that joy and all of those smiles say the same thing… “Go sit your ass at the back of the bus and shut the hell up about it.”

This week, the state of Maine sadly joined a group of more than 30 others, including my home state of California in banning same-sex marriages, thus making bigotry and discrimination law. The opponents to same-sex marriage can color it up any way they want, they can use whatever euphemisms come to mind but make no mistake, this is bigotry and this is discrimination. And it turns my stomach to know that some of my oldest and dearest friends, even though they pay the same taxes and obey the same laws, do not get to enjoy the same rights and freedoms that I do. It breaks my heart to know that in more than 30 states in this country, they are not allowed to formalize their commitment to the person they love simply because that person happens to be of the same gender.

I think it’s a sad, sad commentary on our society that in the year 2009, we still seek to oppress minority groups, strip them of or deny them outright, their civil rights. And this is absolutely an issue of civil rights and freedoms. Gays and lesbians in today’s society absolutely face the same uphill battle for equality that African-Americans faced half a century ago.

Opponents of same-sex marriage will tell you that they are simply protecting the sanctity of marriage. To that, I would say with national divorce rates over 50%, Britney Spears and her 55 hour marriage, drive-thru wedding chapels and people on their 4th, 5th and even 6th marriages, can you really, with a straight face say that marriage is actually held up as absolutely sacred in this country in the first place? When I see a drive by these same people to pass laws banning divorce, perhaps that argument will hold a little more credibility with me.

They will also tell you that they are simply trying to protect the “traditional” definition of marriage according to Scripture. If that is true, then these people should in fact, be fighting to repeal prohibitions against polygamy in this country considering the fact that many men of the Bible had multiple wives… Abraham, David, Solomon, Esau and Gideon to name but a few. And yet, they consider polygamy to be abhorrent even though it is biblically “traditional.” Many argue that we must oppose same-sex marriage because God declares it to be an abomination. Well, God also declares shellfish to be an abomination and yet I don’t see these same activists rallying to ban crab and lobster in this country. Which simply means that they’re cherry-picking whatever arguments and justifications best suit their case at the time. In my book, that undercuts the morality of their position.

Eventually, the arguments and justifications will roll around to the kids. Opponents of same-sex marriage argue that they are protecting children by banning gay marriages. They claim that children need the stability, love and support that only a one mother-one father household can provide. Yeah. Try telling that to the millions of kids, like me, who grew up in vicious, violent and abusive households. Try telling that to the millions of kids that had it worse than I ever did, that were abused far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Try telling that to the children whose father pimps them out to his friends and strangers alike to feed mommy and daddy’s crack habit. Try telling that to all of us who still carry the physical as well as emotional scars inflicted upon us while we grew up. And try telling that to all of the kids who never made it out of childhood… all of those kids who were murdered while living in one of those stable, one mother-one father homes. Kids need love, support and stability in order to thrive, yes. Should it really matter that those things come from a same-sex couple so long as they get them and are allowed to grow and thrive?

We’ve heard all of these same kinds of arguments before, you know. Back when people believed that blacks and whites shouldn’t be allowed to marry, they used these same kinds of arguments to justify supporting miscegenation laws. Tradition, God and children… the arguments and the justifications haven’t changed. And in the end, these people are simply trying to justify banning something like interracial or same-sex marriage because it makes them feel icky. That’s all it boils down to. The idea of a black man kissing a white woman or a man kissing another man makes them feel uncomfortable and so they feel the need to legislate it out of existence. It was wrong then and it’s wrong now.

If our nation’s history has taught us one thing, it’s that somebody always has to be on the bottom of the pile. We always need an “other” to demonize, vilify and set apart from everybody else. Native Americans, African Americans, Irish, Chinese, Japanese, women, Jews, Muslims, Mexicans, gays… we always seem to need somebody to lose. And it has to stop.

If we don't stop this madness and foolishness, then one day that pendulum will swing back around and it will be those people suppressing the rights of others today that will have their own rights and freedoms threatened tomorrow. I wonder if they’ll still be smiling when that day comes.

Equality now. Equality for all. Nothing less.

This is my entry for therealljidol Season 6, Topic 3: Smile. Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to stop on by and check out some of the other fantastic entries!

Is Our Children Learning?

2009-11-03T14:02:43Z

This might be funny if it weren’t so utterly pathetic and disgusting. A recent survey of high school seniors in Oklahoma revealed a startling lack of basic civics knowledge in the state. I mean a real, real lack of knowledge… as in only about 25% of the students polled could name George Washington as the first President of the United States.

In observance of… ahem… Constitution Day, the conservative think tank Strategic Vision, based in Oklahoma City conducted the survey, lifting 10 questions from the actual citizenship exam.

According to the INS, roughly 92% of the immigrants who take this test pass it on their first attempt. In comparison, according to Strategic Vision, less than 3% of the students surveyed passed the exam. 3 freaking percent. Talk about a national embarrassment. These questions should be gimmies by the time you’re a high school senior. These are 10 of the most basic questions about civics that any 8th grader should be able to answer.

Think I’m exaggerating about just how simple these questions are? Take a look for yourself. Here are the actual survey questions and the percentage of Oklahoma high school students that got them right.

What is the supreme law of the land? --- 28%
What do we call the first ten amendments to the Constitution? --- 26%
What are the two parts of the U.S. Congress? --- 27%
How many justices are there on the Supreme Court? --- 10%
Who wrote the Declaration of Independence? --- 14%
What ocean is on the east coast of the United States? --- 61%
What are the two major political parities in the United States? --- 43%
We elect a U.S. Senator for how many years? --- 11%
Who was the first President of the United States? --- 23%
Who is in charge of the Executive Branch? --- 29%

A similar survey of high school students conducted in Arizona recently yielded results equally as abysmal as those in Oklahoma.

Undoubtedly, many people are going to point the finger of blame at the public school system. That just seems to be the default position of many people… among them, conservatives who believe we should be privatizing public education. And while the public school system isn’t without its own share of inefficiencies and ineffectiveness, the results of these surveys imply, at least to me, something far larger and far more disturbing.

How does one get through 12 years of schooling and not be able to name George Washington as this country’s first president? That implies to me, a very willful ignorance and a complete and utter apathy toward this nation’s history and our government. This isn’t just a problem with the public school system… this is a problem that runs much deeper than that. A problem that I believe, begins with the families. In fact, though I do believe that our public school systems have many, many issues, I personally think that a lot of the problems with the education, or lack thereof, that students are receiving today can be addressed through a really radical concept called… get ready… parental involvement. I know, I know… I said it was a crazy and radical idea. However… that is another rant for another day and one I will most assuredly be getting to soon enough.

You might be wondering why I’m making such a big deal or even care about the results of these surveys, right? Well, I personally think that the implications of these surveys are truly frightening. These kids will be voting… they will be helping to decide the future of this country, laws that will impact every single one of us… and yet they know next to nothing about basic civics, about the basic history of this country. I don’t know about you, but that scares the crap out of me. That somebody who doesn’t understand the most basic nuts and bolts of our country’s governmental machinery will be helping to make decisions that will possibly have a far-reaching impact on *my* life… yeah, that terrifies me.

And I don’t know about you, but it strikes me as not just sad and pathetic but also incredibly ironic that Oklahoma and Arizona… two of the reddest of the red states… homes of the chest-thumping, flag-waving uber-patriots who demand honor, reverence and respect for this country’s heritage and history… apparently don’t know a damn thing about this nation’s heritage or history.

I understand that people have the right to be absolutely ignorant in this country. I just wish that so many people didn’t exercise that right with such zeal.

A Blessed Samhain and Happy Halloween to One and All!

2009-10-31T23:36:58Z

Just wanted to give you all a quick shout to say Happy, Happy Halloween and Samhain Blessings to all of you out there in LJ land! I hope that whatever you're doing, you're being safe and having a fantastic time! So anybody care to share their plans for this most festive eve?

We are having a nice home-cooked dinner followed by some trashy horror flicks. On the docket are some movies I've never heard of... seems that all of the classics had already been rented. Apparently this idea is not a unique one. Shocker that. Among the viewing choices tonight however are Dead Snow... Wrong Turn 3... The Shortcut and Staunton Hill. Mindless brain candy and sure to be trashy but hey, it's Halloween, it's allowed, right?

I hope that everybody is having a wonderful evening whatever you happen to be up to!

Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain to you guys!

I miss you most upon each Samhain
When the boundary turns to sheer
I wait until the veil is parted
At the ending of the year.
Sweet spirit, as you walk among us
At the tolling of this eve
I see your face beyond the sunset
And hear your voice upon the breeze.

In the glowing of the candle
From the shadow on the wall
I watch for you in every movement
And hear your footsteps in the hall.
Can you sit and spend the evening
As the portal opens wide?
Ancestral dead, I bid you welcome.
Most recent dead, I pray, abide.

When you come I sense your presence
I put my hand out in the air
A moment, then, we stand united
Palm to palm while waiting there.
I miss you most upon each Samhain
When the boundary turns to sheer
We share these hours until the dawning
Then bid farewell until next year.

Topic 1: Empty Gestures

2009-10-19T03:04:19Z

I was 8-years old when I learned to hate my father. And not in the “you didn’t buy me a pony,” typical childhood angst kind of way. I mean genuine hate. All it took was one summer day to teach me that he was a horribly belligerent and abusive monster, that he offered little more than unkind words and violent actions. In retrospect, it’s surprising to me that it actually took me 8 years to learn those lessons. The pieces to that little puzzle were certainly all there for me to put together. For whatever reason though, I never did. I suppose I wanted to believe the best of my father or perhaps believed that I’d somehow brought it all down on myself. I don’t know. But in one day, those puzzle pieces all fell into place and it changed everything for me.

It started off as just another typical summer vacation day for my sister and me. Like most kids, we were given a list of chores that were to be completed before our parents came home from work. And knowing the consequences of not finishing our chores, we always made sure to do them before we did anything else. Our father surprised us that day by coming home early. Because we’d already finished our chores, we weren’t too concerned about the fact that we were sprawled out in the living room watching television. Until he started screaming for us to “get our asses into the kitchen.” When he yelled like that, you did not keep him waiting.

We scrambled into the kitchen to find him red-faced, huffing and puffing, obviously barely able to control his anger. He proceeded to scream at us about cleaning the kitchen being one of our chores for the day. Having spent a chunk of the morning making sure the kitchen was just so, we were confused. He continued ranting and raving as he pointed to the water glass one of us had left on the counter. A single glass.

Before I even realized what was happening, my father had grabbed my sister by the front of her shirt, grabbed a handful of a cake that was sitting on the counter and slammed it straight into her face. I remember watching the scene unfold, completely stunned. It was surreal and I stood there completely frozen. Until I felt my father grab my shirt and pull me over to him that is. I remember feeling my head snap back as his hand… and the cake he was holding… hit my face and was then ground in. To this day, I remember the smell and taste, the texture and feel of that damn cake as he ground it in, forcing it into my nose and into my mouth. The next thing I knew, my sister and I were literally thrown out of the house, landing on the porch as the door was slammed and locked behind us.

She took me by the hand and led me down the street, our faces still covered in cake and frosting. We were too ashamed and too embarrassed to go to one of the neighbors for help. So we walked to the elementary school that was behind our house, doing our best to avoid anybody we knew and washed our faces as best we could in the water fountains there. We stayed at the school for hours, until we were sure that our mother was home and thought that it might be relatively safe to go back.

I remember walking through the door as quietly as we could and noticing that all of the cake had been cleaned up as had the glass that started the whole fiasco. Obviously, my mother had done what she did best… which was to follow behind and quietly clean up our father’s messes. My sister scampered off to her room and I was heading toward mine when I heard my father call for me to come into the living room. I very reluctantly obeyed. He acted like nothing in the world was wrong, told me to sit down and asked what I wanted to watch on TV. What I wanted to watch?

It was that night that I finally opened my eyes and saw the pattern… what did I want to watch? Did I want some ice cream? How about we have burgers tonight? We were expected to accept these stupid, empty gestures in lieu of an apology, in lieu of some acknowledgement that he was an abusive asshole. We were never allowed to bring it up and we were never allowed to talk about it. It wasn’t the first time he’d hit us and it wouldn’t be the last and every single time, we were expected to just smile, accept these empty little gestures, say thank you and forget that anything had ever happened.

Years removed from it, I still remember that day vividly. But with some distance and perspective behind me now, I can see the good and the bad that came of it. It’s unfortunately, the day I truly learned to hate. But it’s also the day I learned to never offer up some half-hearted empty gesture of an apology instead of an actual apology itself.

This is my entry for therealljidol Season 6, Topic 1: Empty Gestures. Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to stop on by and check out some of the other amazing entries!

The Week That Was... Odds & Ends...

2009-10-17T21:18:48Z

*** Well, it was a week, wasn't it? Some good, some bad and some WTF? I suppose not every week is going to be all rainbows and sunshine. Nor is every week going to be darkness and chaos. Most things seem to balance themselves out in the end anyway. Balance is a good thing.

*** I'd like to thank my feline for waking me up so I could watch the sunrise. It's only Saturday and sleeping in is far overrated anyway, right? The repeated slappings, walking all over me, standing on my head and meowing directly into my ear is so very much appreciated. Apparently, when the feline is hungry, nothing else matters. Cest le vie... got the coffee started early and had a productive morning.

*** So Michael Vick is coming to Oakland this weekend. Call me sick, but I'm looking forward to seeing what my Bay Area brethren might have in store for the scumbag. The denizens of the Black Hole aren't exactly noted for their hospitality to begin with... and when you couple that with years and years of frustration/rage brought about by a football team that couldn't beat a team from St. Agnes' School for Blind Girls and a villainous figure like Vick... well... this could make for some must see TV indeed.

*** Raise your hand if you're as sick of hearing about balloon boy as I am.

*** I'm having some trouble with the first topic for therealljidol. The topic is "Empty Gestures" and an idea immediately popped into my mind but it's a little... heavy. It's actually a lot heavy. And I didn't really want to write something that was a downer. But I've been trying and trying to come up with something that's a bit lighter and nothing's popping in my head. Oh well... guess I'll just write the only piece that I have in my head and see what comes of it.

*** Speaking of therealljidol, there really are some fantastically talented writers out there. And fast. It seems like 5 minutes after the topic went up, the entries started pouring in. As it stands right now, I think there are over 100 up already. I wish I could work that way... but I don't. I have to work my mind around the topic... and that usually takes a couple of days... before I can even begin to write. But some of these people are so freaking fast! And the quality of some of these entries is really sort of intimidating, quite frankly. But I suppose that's why I signed up in the first place... to push and challenge myself, right? I'd like to give this thing a good, long ride and not get tossed out early. Here's hoping I can do that... so expect me to be whoring myself out hard for votes. I'm gonna need all the help I can get.

*** Went to see Paranormal Activity last night. Aside from periods of motion sickness (think Blair Witch Project) and firewench's account of a heart attack in the theater she had gone to to see the movie, I've heard nothing but good things about this flick. Though strangely, the fact that somebody suffered a heart attack in the theater sort of adds to the mystique in a sick, twisted way doesn't it? Supposed to be very, very scary, creepy... which is something I love in a movie. I was pretty excited to see it. Alas, it seems that all of Long Beach was pretty excited to see it as well since the showings last night were sold out. Bummer. Well, I'm planning on taking another run at it today so we shall see. I really, really, really hope it lives up to the hype! firewench's hubby has raved about it and since he and I have some similar cinematic tastes, I have hope indeed!

*** For the first time EVER I have picked against my beloved Raiders in the weekly football pool. It's never mattered how bad they sucked, I always picked my team as a matter of principle. But after seeing that they couldn't cover a 19 1/2 point spread last week, I just threw my hands up in disgust. If I can't have a decent football team, I want the money dammit. The spread this week is 14 points... and I just don't see them covering it against Philly. So I picked against my team. *sadness* But hey, it's about money at this point since wins look like they'll be few and far between.

*** Let your mind drift back in time... recall those ancient history banks to say... 2 weeks ago when it was announced that Obama had won the Nobel Peace Prize. Remember that? Remember the onslaught of right-wingers lining up to scream about how meaningless the award is and how it really means nothing at all? I remember wondering aloud to a friend of mine how long she thought it would take before those same right-wing trolls began carping about the fact that George W. Bush should have been given the Nobel. Sure enough, here it comes... Here is Sean Hannity saying that Ronald Reagan AND George W. Bush should have won the Nobel Peace Prize. In the case of Regan... well... I tend to think that the death squads he helped fund, train and equip in South America that went on to murder countless thousands as well as trading arms to Iran that were used to kill a lot of folks in Iraq during their war not to mention the overthrow of democratically elected governments that didn't happen to agree with his administration's political point of view might sort of put a damper on the case of a Nobel PEACE Prize. In the case of George W. Bush... wouldn't giving that scumbag a Nobel Peace Prize be kind of like giving a porn star an award for chastity and virtue?

*** And lastly... weather permitting, let's GO HALOS!!! Beat those Wankees! My boys looked horrid last night. Absolutely craptastic. But it's a new day and with it, a new chance to put a smackdown on those Wankees.

*** Hope everybody is having a fantastic weekend!!!

The Dreaded Introduction...

2009-10-12T19:47:08Z

Well, I suppose I've procrastinated about as long as I can... okay well, technically, I could procrastinate a couple more days since the "official" deadline isn't until Wednesday, but better to get it over with sooner I suppose. So here is my official Week 0 submission for therealljidol Season 6...

Oh, introductions… nerve-wracking little buggers, aren’t they? You don’t want to say too much and yet you don’t want to say too little… you don’t want to be that guy at the party who stands silently and alone in a corner, creeping everybody out by looking like a serial killer scoping out his next target. Neither do you want to be that guy who blows straight through the TMI barrier by regaling people with tales of the ruptured hemorrhoid that’s been causing him great discomfort for the past week. And you most definitely don’t want to be that guy who drones on and on without ever noticing that his “audience” has gone glassy-eyed, slack-jawed and is drooling on themselves.

So what to say? What to reveal? And how much is too much?

Well, I suppose we can start with the police blotter kinda basics:

- Native of So Cali… moved around a lot as a kid including a 1-year stint in Washington state… ended up in 8 different schools by the time I’d graduated.
- Lived the majority of my life in Long Beach but would not be opposed to living in Washington again.
- Never married, no children but I do have one somewhat high-strung and eccentric cat that keeps life interesting.
- Graduated from Cal State Long Beach with a degree in History and am pursuing a teaching credential. The goal (for now) is to teach high school US History and US Government.
- Unabashedly liberal and believe in social justice and equality for all.
- Voracious reader and would-be fiction writer.
- Am pop-culturally illiterate, often missing quotes from and references to popular television shows which invariably drives my friends crazy.
- Have a dream of holding a national political office one day.
- Thinks sushi is the best food ever… could eat it every single day and never tire of it.
- Drink far more coffee than is probably considered wise (or healthy) for one person.
- Can make the claim to be one of a handful of Americans that have gotten to row an authentic Venetian gondola on the Grand Canal in Venice, Italy.
- Was accosted not once, not twice but thrice while in Amsterdam and learned that my survival instincts are keen and I’m faster and more agile than I ever thought I could be.
- Love to cook and experiment in the kitchen… and since nobody’s gone toes up yet, I think I must not completely suck.
- Joined LJ Idol because after doing little more than strict academic(ish) writing for the last 3 years, I’m trying to fire up the creative engines in my brain again… hoping to challenge, push and stretch my creative side.

Well, that covers some of the dry basics without really delving too deeply below the surface. What else can I say that will tell you a little bit more? Well, a friend once called me an “exploding clusterf**k of contradictions.” I can see why some might think so but I prefer to think of myself as… nuanced. Quirky even. That just sounds nicer, I think.

Some of those contrad… ahem… nuances include:

- Being an absolute sports junkie but believing that most pro athletes are overpaid prima-donnas.
- Though a So Cali boy through and through, I love the rain and cold.
- Having a love/hate relationship with Southern California. There are days I absolutely couldn’t imagine living anywhere else and other days I would give my left arm to get the hell out of Dodge.
- Having this weird thing about feet… I don’t like looking at or touching them and don’t like to have mine looked at or touched. (so yeah, toe sucking is WAY out of the question) But I think high heels on a woman are just sexay!
- Definitely not an adrenaline junkie and would never do something like jump out of a perfectly good airplane… but I cannot wait to go tornado chasing and want to get as close to one of those monsters that I can.
- Though I generally loathe television and pop-culture in general, I absolutely love going to the movies. I guess I’m just picky about how I choose to rot my brain cells.
- A loyal Democrat but have been known to vote for a Republican from time to time… let’s face it, sometimes my party puts up absolute douchebags. A (D) next to your name doesn’t guarantee you my vote.
- Can be brash and outspoken and yet incredibly quiet and reserved.
- Am a somewhat cynical and jaded person but am a closet idealist and still believe that one person can indeed change the world.
- Love camping and being out amongst nature but would probably die if ever left out there on my own.
- Have been known to be very graceful on the court or field while playing various sports… have also been known to walk into walls and fall down stairs.

So there you have them… a few fun (or not so fun) little factoids about me… Hopefully I’ve not said too much or too little. And hopefully none of you are finding yourselves glassy-eyed, slack-jawed and drooling all over yourselves. If you are, I send my sincerest apologies and hope that you’re wearing something waterproof.

I’m fired up to get the season cranked up and get to know some of the fantastic writers aboard this crazy train. Good luck everybody!

This is my Week 0 entry for Season 6 of therealljidol... "Introduction". If you subjected yourself to it in its entirety, I give you my thanks and my apologies! And if you get the chance, go take a look at some of the other seriously fantastic intros being posted. There are some fantastically talented writers in this here show.

Of Cats, Cornfields and Party Animals

2009-10-11T23:03:06Z

Well Fall has certainly come to Southern California… I can only really tell because it’s not 4 billion degrees anymore and the mere act of thinking doesn’t cause me to break into a sweat. It’s actually been pretty chilly, which suits me just fine. In fact, it makes me one happy boy. Now if we could just get some rain, I’d be bouncing off the walls.

The change in temperatures has not gone unnoticed by the feline companion either. Instead of being a little furry puddle of sweat-soaked fur, he’s suddenly come alive… super-spastically so. He’s found new and creative ways to torment me. I am absolutely positive now that he spends the afternoon while I’m slaving away at work to keep him in kibble drawing out elaborate plans to screw with me. His favorite this past week was to first prevent me from falling asleep for as long as possible and to then wake me up roughly 15 minutes before my alarm went off with claws strategically placed in my mouth, nose and eyes. Every. Day. This. Week. Yeah, tell me that wasn’t planned. And once he’d managed to wake me up, he’d merely give me the “well, since you’re up, get me my breakfast” look. It makes me cringe to think what he’s got in store for me next week.

So in honor of my cat… my longtime furry little friend who had me cranky and seriously considering feline-o-cide last week and who undoubtedly has plans to do more of the same this week, I present to you a list of people that I am officially Wishing to the Cornfields!!!

*** The guy that pulls up to somebody’s house… at 6 am on a Saturday morning and instead of walking the 10 feet to the front door decides to honk the horn to let them know their ride has arrived. And continues to honk forever until their passenger finally decides to come out. Oh what I wouldn’t give for a hand grenade or rocket launcher sometimes.

*** The dude in the office that can’t seem to operate that complex piece of machinery that flushes the toilet. Dude seriously… I’m glad that fiber is quite obviously such an important part of your diet but do we really need to *see* that it is? Nasty.

*** That guy who, while sitting in the parking lot that is the 91 freeway, jumps out of line and races up the shoulder, honking and giving the finger to everybody until he can manage to wedge his way back into traffic. Hey, asshat… it’s because of people driving like YOU that probably caused the accident which is causing us to sit in that nasty traffic snarl in the first place.

*** The space invader in the grocery store that doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “personal space” while standing in the checkout line. I really, really don’t need to feel your breath on my neck and your hand on my ass, dude. Seriously.

*** The co-worker that blows right through that line of tasteful and appropriate topics of conversation in the workplace. I so don’t need to know that your tampons aren’t absorbent enough nor do I *ever* need to hear the phrase “I sprung a leak” fall out of your piehole ever, ever, ever again. Makes the non-toilet flusher seem so much better by comparison.

*** The drunk neighbors who decide that 2 a.m. is a great time for an impromptu karaoke jam-fest. Seriously guys, Extreme’s “More that Words” is a horrible enough song already but when all you’re doing is repeating the first verse and the chorus over and over and over again, it just takes it to a whole new level of suck.

*** The dude walking into 7-11 that lets out a monstrous belch that seems to last half an hour and changes tone several times before he’s done. Yeah, stay classy.

*** The mother who lets her children run free and unfettered through the grocery store, knocking things over, pulling things off of the shelves and even breaking a glass jar of jelly… and then looks at me like I did it. Yeah because with my 10-foot long arms, I reached all the way over there and threw a jar to the ground because I enjoy nothing more than framing 5-year olds. Try a little thing called… parenting.

*** The dude with so much ass-crack hanging out the back of his pants that you could park a bike in it. And if that weren’t disturbing enough in and of itself, it looked like the dude was smuggling Chewbacca in his drawers. One word, man… waxing.

To the Cornfields, all of ‘em!!!

So… anybody ya’ll want to wish to the cornfields? Speak and be heard!

And just to end things on a light note, I offer this clip for your pleasure. It seems that there is are trees in Africa that produce a fruit that when ripened these party animals just can't seem to get enough of... take a peek!

Hope everybody's had a fantastic weekend!!!

Be Gentle... It's My First Time.... Kinda.

2009-10-06T07:44:13Z

So as I knew that the sign-ups for this season of therealljidol had to be closing in on us, I started to get all fired up about it. It's that whole "thriving on competition" thing again. And with the announcement this morning that sign-ups were beginning, I immediately began to waffle. This definitely isn't the same as strapping on the cleats and playing some ball... this is putting your words, a little personal piece of yourself out there to be judged by others. It's definitely infinitely scarier.

I had actually managed to get over that fear when last season's Idol started and jumped into the deep end of the pool. But two weeks in, I realized that I just didn't have enough hours in the day to do everything I needed to do and devote my time to this as well. So unfortunately, after two weeks in the competition last season, I had to pull the plug. Not exactly the glorious ending I'd had in mind when I signed up in the first place.

And now that I have a better handle on my life and my time, I've been looking for a way to fire up those creative engines again. And what better way to fire them up than by... well... firing them up? I don't think I'm going to be able to *think* my way into getting the creative wheels turning again. I've simply just got to *do* it.

And so... for a shot at redemption, at least in my own mind, for having to cap myself last season. ("redemption" meaning actually staying in the game until I'm voted out) I am officially tossing my hat in the ring, my penny in the pot, my ass in the fire... or whatever other metaphor you prefer... for Season 6 of LJ Idol.

I'd love to give it a nice, long run and get as far as I possibly can in the game. I'm hoping to push and stretch myself creatively. I want to find that writing voice I seem to have misplaced somewhere along the way. And I think this is one way to go about doing just that.

So... I'll make sure to drop my Idol entries under a cut so as to not inflict any damage upon unsuspecting souls. You're welcome to scroll right on by or stop and read them. That's all going to be up to you, dear readers. But being that this contest is vote-driven, there will be times I am going to be begging, pleading and otherwise whoring myself out for some votes... Just so you're forewarned. :-)

Well... I guess that about covers it. I'm officially in for the season... however long that may last for me! Wish me luck ya'll!

Of Churches and Alien Abductions...

2009-09-27T09:27:45Z

Today was a really great day. After trying to get our schedules to synchronize for a while now, the wonderful newport2newport and I were finally able to connect for some lunch this afternoon. She's every bit as wonderful and inspiring in "real life" as the person I've gotten to know all this time here on LiveJournal. We met at a restaurant in Old Town Orange called PJ Abbey's. It's really a unique and interesting place. It was once an old church that's since been converted into a beautiful and quirky little restaurant. It still has the old stained glass and the old pews have been turned into booths. I was half-surprised that I didn't just burst into flames as I stepped through the door. But I'm very glad I wasn't reduced to a little pile of ash as the wait staff was excellent... they were always there to refill our coffee cups and the food was fantastic. Time seriously flew by as we chatted about this and that. We chatted a lot about writing... and she gave me some great insights and tips which I think will serve me very well going forward with my own work. Great conversation, great company and she brought me some great coffee beans which I am very much looking forward to grinding up in the morning. It was a terrific way to spend an afternoon and I'm looking forward to doing it again! Thanks for a great, great afternoon newport2newport!!!

Tonight I went to see a movie called Pandorum. The previews I'd seen looked pretty good. I thought it was going to be a sci-fi/horror flick along the lines of Alien. In some ways it was... I thought they did a pretty good job of building tension and suspense. But it was very, very different from Alien overall. It was a good brain-candy kind of movie... if you go in merely looking to be entertained, I think you'll enjoy it. The plot wasn't very complex and the characters weren't overly deep but for what it was, it was entertaining. It had some pretty decent jolts that got the heart pounding and like I said, they did a fairly decent job of building some tension and suspense. Not a GREAT flick by any stretch of the imagination but good, fun, mindless entertainment.

There was a preview for a movie though, that I am really intrigued by. It's called The Fourth Kind... I'm sure the premise... alien abductions... is bound to turn a lot of people off, but it's based on the archived footage of a shrink that videotaped sessions with her patients up in Alaska who all claimed to have been abducted by aliens. Here's the synopsis...

1n 1972, a scale of measurement was established for alien encounters. When a UFO is sighted, it is called an encounter of the first kind. When evidence is collected, it is known as an encounter of the second kind. When contact is made with extraterrestrials, it is the third kind. The next level, abduction, is the fourth kind. Modern-day, Alaska, where-mysteriously since the 1960s-a disproportionate number of the population has been reported missing every year. Despite multiple FBI investigations of the region, the truth has never been discovered. Here in this remote region, psychologist Dr. Abigail Tyler began videotaping sessions with traumatized patients and unwittingly discovered some of the most disturbing evidence of alien abduction ever documented. The Fourth Kind exposes the terrified revelations of multiple witnesses. Their accounts of being visited by alien figures all share disturbingly identical details, the validity of which is investigated throughout the film/

The film is apparently interlaced with the actual footage that Dr. Tyler shot of her sessions... I think it's intriguing. Here's the official trailer for the movie...

What about you guys? Where do you come down on the alien abduction debate? True? A hoax perpetrated by a bunch of people seeking attention?

So what are you guys doing this weekend? Whatever it is, I hope that everybody is having great one!

Question for the Writerly Types Out There...

2009-09-20T19:13:20Z

It all starts with an idea. You could have gotten it anywhere... a book, a movie, a conversation, a story in a magazine or newspaper, possibly even a song lyric. Sometimes you don't even know where that idea came from. But you have it. It's stuck in your brain like a splinter and you know you just have to do something with it.

So the question is... what do you do with it? How do you take that one little nugget of an idea, that skeleton of an idea and begin hanging some meat on the bones? How do you start fleshing out that one little sliver of an idea and start turning it into a viable and complete plot? Is there a specific process that you use?

It's been a good, long while since I got the creative writing side of my brain working and the wheels have a pretty thick layer of dirt, rust and grime all over them. And I'm trying to figure out how to knock all of that crap off and get those wheels good and greased and running smoothly again. Or at least as smoothly as they are able to run. I'm trying to get myself used to writing... y'know... creatively again after having pretty much shut that part of my brain down for a long, long, long time. It will be nice to be able to just make stuff up again instead of having to thoroughly source everything. Facts just aren't as fun as fiction sometimes, are they? Ask the right-wingers in this country... but I digress... The point being that I really, really, really want to indulge that creative side of my noodle again.

So now that everything I write doesn't have to be completely researched and thoroughly sourced out, I want to start writing what I want to write again. I have that barest nugget of an idea that I'm excited about but am struggling as I try to re-learn how to build something from that foundation... well... I suppose it wouldn't be exactly accurate to call it a foundation yet. Perhaps it would be more accurate to call it a... vacant lot? A vacant lot that I want to build a foundation and then a house upon.

So how do you do writerly folks out there do it? What works for you? How do you move from that vacant lot that is the opening sliver of an idea to laying the foundation that is a viable plot to your story?

Okay, have I abused that metaphor quite enough yet? :-) Seriously though, I'm very curious about the processes you go through as you take an idea... from where ever you may have gotten it... and turn it into a viable plot. This one little bare nugget of an idea is burning a hole in my brain but I seem to have forgotten how to turn that idea into something solid. Any tips, pointers or guidance you can throw my way would be immensely appreciated!

Hope that everybody is having a fantastic weekend!!!

Your "Sushi, Pigskin and Random Bits and Drabbles" Edition of the Weird News...

2009-09-17T18:41:35Z

So we took the niece-unit out to dinner for her birthday last night. It’s kinda scary that she’s getting all growed up and stuff. We took her to her favorite sushi bar for dinner and it wasn’t… terrible. But it wasn’t mind-blowingly fantastic either. But it made her happy and we had a really nice evening out. Which is a good thing. But I think I need to start teaching the niece-unit to differentiate between okay sushi and mind-blowingly good sushi. And it’s a lesson I am more than happy to teach!

Last Saturday, I had lunch with the parentals and we then caught a showing of “9”. I enjoyed the movie overall. The story wasn’t overly complex but the animation was fantastic. Some of it was seriously eerily realistic looking. Not the greatest movie ever but infinitely better than Gi Joe was, that’s for sure. It was a nice day… I enjoyed hanging out with the parentals.

So is anybody out there excited about the start of the NFL season? As a lifelong, die-hard Raider fan, I haven’t had much to be really excited about for years. And though I don’t foresee a Super season for my team, there is reason to be a little more excited than in seasons past. They took it to the Chargers in week one and if not for a truly horrific call near the end of the first half, my boys may have won that game. But they had some spunk and fire which is something I haven’t seen from my boys in a while. So what about you? Did your team win? Did you partake of the week 1 NFL buffet? Or were you too busy harvesting belly button lint to take notice that another football season was upon us?

This has been a bit of a rough week sleep-wise. I’ve been having seriously f’ed up nightmares… the kind that pull you out of a dead sleep and leave you entirely freaked out and unable to get back to sleep right away. I’m not quite sure what’s going on… perhaps I’m being visited by the LSD fairies while I sleep or something. Not sure but it’s tripping me out a bit since it’s been going on all week.

So here I sit at Ye Olde Salt Mine… with nothing to do at the moment. I let our IT person know that we are having trouble with our computers first thing this morning. We’re essentially dead in the water… and have been since 730. He came in a few hours ago, futzed around with a couple of things, didn’t resolve the problem but said he’d be back… and has promptly disappeared. I can’t find him anywhere. So about all we can do right now is answer the phone and sit here with our thumbs stuck firmly up our butts… metaphorically speaking of course.

So since we seem to be experiencing a wee bit of downtime, I bring to you the

Leading off...

From the "If the Glove Don't Fit" files... 47-year old Dave VonTesmar of Phoenix, Arizona has come up with a brilliant way to beat speeding tickets. Arizona authorities hand delivered 37 speeding tickets to VonTesmar along with photographs of his car caught on radar-cameras. VonTesmar is fighting every one of the tickets claiming that the police could not conclusively identify him... because he was wearing a monkey or giraffe mask while behind the wheel. Said VonTesmar, "You've got to identify the driver, and if you can't it's not a valid ticket." Brilliant. I'm going to go pick up a George W. Bush mask and a Dick Cheney mask... maybe if I rack up enough tickets, the cops will be forced to throw them in the pokey.

From the "Whoops, My Mistake" files... a 53-year old Delaware woman has been arrested and charged with "offensive touching" (that's a crime?!?!) and "aggravated menacing" after a dispute with a gas station clerk escalated to violence. The dispute stemmed from the woman claiming to have given the clerk a $20 bill for gas and the clerk claiming that she'd only given him a single. The woman stormed behind the counter, punched the clerk in the face and held a pair of scissors to his throat until he coughed up the $20 bucks. Upon driving away, the woman found the $20 bill in her purse, returned to the gas station to make amends and was promptly taken into custody. Whoops indeed.

From the "Fun with Grand Theft Auto" files... A 21-year old man in Farmington, New Mexico has been arrested and charged with fourth-degree felony of unlawful taking of a motor vehicle and misdemeanor resisting or obstructing a police officer. The officers had responded to a disturbance call at a party, leaving their cruiser idling at the curb. While returning to the car, the officer used his keyless entry remote at which point, the obviously intoxicated man jumped into the car and drove off because he "thought it would be fun." Yeah, I hope the inevitable jail time is just as fun for ya, Chief.

From the "Get a Damn Room" files... It seems a 44-year old man and woman were taking a walk on the wild side when they jumped into a trash dumpster to share what police oh-so-delicately described as an "intimate moment." Yeah, they were knocking it out in the middle of a freaking trash can. During their... ahem... trash dumpster tryst, a 64-year old man and his 59-year old cohort robbed the couple at knifepoint... making off with their jewelry, shoes and the man's wallet. I just have to know what these robbers were thinking when they took his wallet as the dude was obviously too broke to spring for a motel room!

From the "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" files... A 45-year old man in Huron Township, Michigan was "subdued" by police over the weekend after the man had fired his shotgun near his neighbors over a long-running dispute. Officers responded to the shots fired call and were forced to subdue the shotgun-toting redne.... errrr.... man with their tasers before taking him to jail. What was the long-running dispute you might ask? It was over manure. I'd like to say "only in Michigan" but it would probably be more accurate to say "only in a red state."

From the "A for Effort" files... An 11-year old boy in Huntsville, Alabama has found himself in a lot of hot water. Rather than copping to a bad report card to his parents, the boy made up a story about a pistol-toting man that had grabbed him after school and forced him into a "beat up car" while threatening to kill him. The boy claimed that he made a daring escape by jumping out of the car and taht during his break to freedom, had to leave behind his bookbag which contained his report card. The boy later confessed to his grandfather that he'd made the whole story up. Man... If I'd had that kind of imagination at his age, I would've gotten out of a lot of beatings.

From the "Quit While You're Ahead" files... 29-year old Timothy Peare of eastern Pennsylvania was arrested on DUI charges this past Sunday. After a few hours in the drunk tank, the man just couldn't leave well enough alone and/or was still drunk/drunk again as police found him trying to steal a tow truck with which to go free his impounded vehicle. The final count, if you're scoring at home is, "DUI, criminal attempt to steal a vehicle, theft from a vehicle and loitering and prowling at nighttime." Nicely done, Timothy.

From the "Smile, Jesus Loves You" files... Rodney McGill, pastor of the New Hope Outreach Center in Jensen Beach, Florida, along with his wife Shalonda, have been convicted on on nine counts each of obtaining mortgages by false representation, first-degree grand theft and racketeering. McGill and his wife have both been sentenced to two decades behind bars. As the judge was reading his sentenc, pastor McGill called out, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, for every witness called against me, I pray cancer in their lives, lupus, brain tumor, pancreatic cancer." VERY Christian of him.

From the "Better Get Right With God" files.... Gunther Link of Vienna, Austria had spent part of a day trapped in an elevator. Scared out of his mind, the deeply religious man began praying to God for release. Upon being freed from the elevator, Link went straight to a church to give thanks for delivering him from the evil elevator. As Link gave thanks to the Almighty, an 860-pound statue fell on him, killing him instantly. Apparently the Big Guy Upstairs was a wee bit irritated that Link interrupted his day to pull him from an elevator. And can you blame the Almighty really? He's so busy what with helping people hit home runs, throw and catch touchdowns, dunking a basketball, winning meaningless film and music awards, carrying out genocidal wars... There's only so much of the Almighty to go around, people! Let this be a lesson to you!

From the "Sopranos and Sushi" files... The Yamaguchi-Guma... one of Japan's notorious Yakuza groups has apparently been forcing its members to take written exams on Japanese law. Police discovered the test during an investigation of a member of the affiliate. A 12-question exam paper, complete with model answers, was among the items confiscated. It is believed that the test is being administered to the gangsters as a preventative measure against lawsuits... under Japanese Anti-Organized Criminal law apparently, the higher-ups within the organization can be sued because of the actions of their underlings. What I want to know is... who in the hell is suing the freaking Yakuza? Not a very smart thing to do if you plan on living a long and healthy life...

From the "Love Connection" files... 20-year old Stephfon Bennett of Columbus, Ohio is a thief with a romantic side. It seems that Stephfon and two of his buddies broke into a couple's suburban home and robbed them. Stephfon was apparently so struck with the female half of the couple that he later returned to the house to ask her out. The woman recognized him as one of the robbers and called the police where he was arrested. There has been no confirmation that Stephfon was arrested as he stood in her driveway with a boombox playing a Peter Gabriel song over his head.

From the ET Phone Home" files... Stargazers were treated to a celestial treat recently when a bright blue, sparkling and glowing trail appeared in the sky. Was it a comet? Asteroid? Shooting star? UFO? It was none of the above actually... what the light show in the sky was in fact, was the contents of the Space Shuttle Discovery's toilet being flushed out into space. Yes, that's right, that little stargazing treat was nothing more than astronaut pee-pee and ca-ca. Under new policy, the Space Shuttle no longer ejects its waste while docked at the International Space Station and so NASA confirmed that it was because of this policy, Discover was forced to take "an unusually large dump." Nice choice of words.

And finally... we'll wrap it up with a story that will warm the heart...

From the "Homeward Bound" files... A long-haired Himalayan cat named Clyde disappeared when he was about a year old from Ashleigh Sullivan in Australia. 3 years later and more than 2,400 miles later however, Clyde came sauntering back into Ashleigh's life. Clyde somehow managed to make a 185-mile journey across the Bass Strait and then more than 2,000 miles through the Australian Outback and nobody has a clue how he did it, ending up in the hands of a vet in Conclurry that tracked Ashleigh down through the microchip embedded under his skin and reunite the pair. Everybody say it with me now... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Happy Thursday everybody!!! Hope everybody's week has been great so far!

Open Letter to President Obama

2009-09-09T23:06:53Z

Dear President Obama,

As you step to the podium to address Congress and the nation tonight, I truly hope that you do so with a keen sense of history, a hefty dose of internal strength, the courage of your convictions and the humility of knowing that you are only standing there because of we the people. This is your moment. This is your time to show us who you really are and what you’re truly made of.

As this “debate” over health care has raged in recent weeks, many of us have become increasingly alarmed by what we perceive to be your waffling on the issue of the public option… on your insistence that we must have Republican support for a bill… by the trial balloons we’ve seen floated by your White House indicating that a robust public option isn’t necessarily the key component of an overhaul of the health care system… by the concessions you continue to make to the GOP that do nothing more than weaken and water down the universal health care coverage that was such a key plank of your campaign platform. During the campaign, you said that you would happily serve as a one-term president if you were able to push through legislation that provided health care for all Americans. We the people, made sure you had bulletproof majorities in both houses of Congress to make sure that campaign promise could be brought to fruition.

Mr. President, a bill that does not include a robust public option or as Ted Kennedy wanted, Medicare for all, is nothing more than yet another giveaway to the insurance companies. It’s that simple. Not forcefully demanding that Congress draft legislation that will provide the people with an option that directly competes with the private insurance companies is meaningless. It will do nothing but empower those companies that decide matters of life and death based on ability to pay to continue doing just that. Even worse, it will show the GOP as well as corporate American that you are a president that can be bullied, a president that will fold and bow to their will when enough pressure is exerted, when enough people scream “Socialist” and when enough money is thrown about. What will that embolden them to do then?

We respect and admire your willingness and desire to work with the opposition party, Mr. President. The willingness to be “post-partisan” and bring people of all political stripes together was one of the things that drew many people to you. But you’ve often quoted the old saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result each time. By that definition Mr. President, attempting to work with Congressional Republicans is insanity. They’ve said time and time again that they want to “break you.” That they want you to “fail.” That they want the health care debate to be your “Waterloo.” They have no desire to work with you. They have no desire to do what’s right by this country or by our people. The GOP simply wants to do what’s right by the GOP and nothing else. Bi-partisanship is a pipe dream at this point. The fact that you are so willingly tone-deaf to this is incredibly alarming. You cannot work with the Republicans because they have no desire to work with you, President Obama. How many times must they spit in your face before you see this?

During your run to the White House, you were fond of saying that “We are the change we’ve been waiting for.” And you were right. We embraced that change and took to the streets by the millions, pouring our money, our time, our blood, sweat and tears to elect you, Mr. President. We won. We made that change happen. We’ve done and continue to do our part… it’s time you start doing yours. There are only two sides to this debate. Ours and theirs. You are either going to stand with the people or you are going to stand with the GOP and the multinational corporations. I am loathe to use a “Bushism,” but you’re either with us or against us. What we need is a leader. What we need is a champion. Nobody should lose their home or have to declare bankruptcy because they can’t afford their medical bills. Nobody should have to die Mr. President, because they can’t afford medical care. We are the only industrialized nation on this planet that does not provide health care for our people. You know this. You’ve spoken about the need to change this. Now it’s time you act on those convictions you say you hold so dear.

Back in 1936, Franklin Delano Roosevelt stood in the Madison Square Garden on the eve of the election and drew a line in the sand. He stared down the greedy corporate interests, the Republican party as well as the intransigent members of his own party and told them flat out to get on the train he was driving or get out of the way. He said, “Never before in all our history have these forces been so united against one candidate as they stand today. They are unanimous in their hate for me and I welcome their hatred.” Mr. President, you need to welcome their hatred. You need to draw the line in the sand that President Roosevelt did and you need to stand up for the people as you promised that you would do.

Mr. President, we need for you to be strong. We need for you to forcefully demand legislation that includes a public option and nothing less. We need for you to threaten to veto any piece of legislation that does not include a robust public option. We need for you to be a champion and a leader… not a politician. This truly is a matter of life and death for many millions of people in this country and you have the ability to change that. We now need for you to be the change we’ve been waiting for.

This is your time. This is your moment, Mr. President. Please don’t let us down. Please don’t betray the trust and faith we’ve put into you.

Those Commie Socialists Are Sneaky Little Buggers!

2009-09-08T04:24:26Z

Well, it seems that the curtain has been pulled back and Obama’s evil machinations have been exposed for all the world to see. Finally. We can now all see his devious Kenyan-Muslim-Anarchist-Fascist-Leftist-Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist-Trotskyite-Hitler and Mussoliniesque-Socialist-Communist-Revolutionary plot to take over the country for ourselves. And the first salvo in this dirty little war is apparently targeting America’s youth by extolling the power and virtue of things like hard work, setting goals and the value of an education.

Frightening and subversive stuff, isn’t it? Doesn’t it make you a-feared for your children? For your country?

Ever since the word broke about Obama’s planned indoctrination of the nation’s youth, the talking heads over at Faux News have been waving the warning banners about the sheer evilness of it all. And quite predictably, the GOP rank-and-file, a group not really known for their independent (or coherent) thinking, have been screaming loud and long, threatening to pull their kids out of school, riot, loot and wreak general havoc across the land rather than let Obama’s subversive message be heard.

The White House was very helpful in posting Obama's Manifesto ahead of time to get this indoctrination party started early...

But just in case you don't want to find yourself unduly brainwashed, here are just a few of the highlights from Der Fuhrer's prepared remarks:

~ I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve. But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.

~ Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

~ But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying. Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

~ No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

~ Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Wow. Radical and subversive stuff. That's dangerous, crazy-talk there.

The manufactured outrage... and this is nothing more than manufactured outrage... has gone beyond ridiculous. I still fail to see how a speech about living up to your potential, getting good grades, focusing on and dedicating yourself to your education and setting goals is tantamount to subversive speech, indoctrination or some fascist plot. They are really, really reaching. And the really sad thing is that as big of a stretch as this is, as ridiculous as this is, it's a message that has found its mark with a segment of our population. Granted, it's the same segment of our population that would believe that a video of Obama eating a baby while sodomizing a goat actually exists. It's a small but vocal minority that our wonderful corporate media has given more credence to than is warranted. Shocker, that. But I've read several news accounts today that refer to Obama's speech tomorrow as "controversial." Controversial? Really?

I really, really, really have to wonder if it were a movie star or a professional athlete delivering the exact same speech whether or not the right-wing would jump on this like they have. I would have to say... no. This is about politics, plain and simple. And the bottom line is that they will do anything and everything they can to discredit or marginalize Obama in any way they can. They're desperate and flailing about wildly, hoping something, anything will stick.

But on another level, the right-wing fears what Obama is pitching in his speech tomorrow. The Republican party, in its current incarnation fears an educated, informed population. They fear a population that cares about what is happening within our country. Because the GOP relies on our ignorance, our apathy. They rely on people doing nothing more than forming an opinion based on a sound byte. They play to our base fears and our worst instincts. This is what today's Republican party does and they know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if we, as a people, genuinely informed and educated ourselves, invested ourselves in the future of the country and refused to be afraid in the face of their fearmongering, that they, as a party, would become obsolete and would cease to be.

Sadly enough, there are a lot of people in this country that prefer to live in ignorance and to live in fear. And the utterly ridiculous reaction to Obama's speech tomorrow is living proof of that.

Suckers... The Goat Sucker, That Is...

2009-09-04T06:06:54Z

Ye olde internets has been all atwitter the last couple days with the claim made by two Texas men that they've found the corpse of that legendary and mythical little beast... El Chupacabra. You know, the "Goat Sucker." Jerry Ayer and Lynn Butler... both taxidermists, as if that's not creepy enough... say they found the body of the Chupacabra about three months ago in a chicken barn the night after "an unseen predator was heard running amok." They've promised to stuff and properly display the little sucker for all that want to make a pilgrimage down to Texas to view the body of El Chupacabra. Just imagine the crowds making their way to the Lone Star State... why, it could (and sadly would) probably draw more people than went to see the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich.

I'm just curious about something... did this Chupacabra have a heart attack? A stroke? Did it have an aneurysm burst? I'm just having a bit of a difficult time believing that a feisty little beast like El Chupacabra... slayer of goats and cows was done in by... poultry. I don't know. Maybe a gaggle of chickens in the barn rose up as one and kicked the living crap out of the vile beasty. Maybe one of the birds was packin' a shotgun. Maybe one of those clever birds shanked him. I couldn't rightly tell you. The whole thing just seems... fishy to me. But I'm just a skeptical and cynical bastard so don't go by me...

Ayer and Butler offer up this photographic proof of their discovery... feast your eyes on this... the first ever photograph of El Chupacabra!!!!

That's pretty compelling stuff right there, isn't it?

Is it me or does that look strangely like the decaying corpse of a dog? Maybe I'm just not well versed in Chupacabra lore, but that looks quite a lot like a dead Doberman Pinscher to me.

Like I said, maybe I'm a little too skeptical and cynical for my own good, but I do believe these good ol' boys are tryin' to hoodwink us!

What about you, boys and girls? Do you believe this is the mythical El Chupacabra? Or are they tryin' to pull one over on us?

And just out of curiosity... what, if any, mythical and legendary creatures do you good people believe in? Bigfoot? The Loch Ness Monster? The Mothman? Gremlins? Trolls? Minihoonies? Aliens and alien abductions? A Republican with a soul?

In all seriousness, do you believe in any of these legendary creatures? Or do you think it's all a bunch of hooey? Time to sound off!

Happy Birthday Sharon!

2009-09-02T08:13:44Z

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." ~ Father Larry Lorenzoni

Happiest of birthdays, Sharon! May the coming year bring you nothing but the best!

Your "Smack 'Em With A Clue By Four" Edition of the Weird News...

2009-09-02T07:29:24Z

Oy. PT Barnum once said that there is a sucker born every minute. The right-wing troglodytes seem to be hellbent on trying to prove that old nugget of wisdom true, don't they? These people will believe anything that comes out of the mouths of Rush, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and the rest of the talky-trolls. Death panels, the government pulling the plug on granny, forced circumcisions, forced abortions... the troglodytes just eat it all up and regurgitate it all back out like the good little Stepford Douchebags they are. It's just sad. Thinking seems to have gone the way of the DoDo in right-wing circles... if in fact it ever really existed. They seriously need to be smacked with a big ol' Clue by Four. Hard. And repeatedly.

Milk is not my friend. In fact, we've become mortal enemies. Which makes me sad as I love milk. And I really love breakfast cereals. But it began doing really bad, horrid, evil things to me. And so, I had to kick my old friend to the curb. I was very excited to make a new friend in Lactaid milk... and to be reunited with my old friend. Quite obviously, my new friend is not really my new friend... he's apparently as big of bastard as my old milky buddy. And this past weekend wasn't overly fun, I have to say. I honestly don't know what it is... I thought the Lactaid would be the answer but it was as brutal as regular milk. I fear that I may have to say goodbye to my beloved breakfast cereal and ice cream and Starbucks Fraps and cheese and a host of other things forever. *le sigh*

I forgot to mention that I have finally finished paying off my car. *happiest of happy dances* Wooo Hoooo! I'm finally the proud owner of my Santa Fe and I no longer have a freaking car payment hanging over my head. I may use the money I'm saving to fund research into a cure for lactose intolerance or the development of a suitable substitute. I miss my breakfast cereal!!!

Anyway... because the right-wingers and the lack of breakfast cereal in my life is making me extremely grumpy, it's time for a little levity... So here is your "Smack 'Em With A Clue By Four" Edition of the Weird News...

Leading off...

From the "Every Kid's Fantasy" files... Oh don't even tell me that any of you haven't thought about doing something like this... 51-year old Michael Amatrudo of Madison, Wisconsin recently listed his parents for sale on Craigslist. His ad states that "he's gotten lots of use out of these guys over the past 50 years, but it's time to move on" and that he'll take $155 or a trade for a younger set of parents, an Erector set or a "hot blonde." Personally, I'd hold out for the redhead, but that's just me. Amatrudo says that his parents have a good sense of humor and are taking the "joke" in stride. As "in stride" as somebody stuffed into a FedEx box can take things I suppose...

From the "Groundhog Day" files... 29-year old Leytza Martinez of Bridgeport, Connecticut nailed the hat-trick recently when she was arrested not once... not twice... but three times in one day. Her first arrest came after assaulting a manager at the hair salon where she... was employed. She was popped again for coming back to the salon and stealing $900 worth of supplies and some customer information. Her third arrest was for... driving without insurance and failing to have a front license plate... sort of an anticlimactic charge isn't it?

From the "Thighs of Steel" files... 42-year old Lisa Newsome of Baker, Louisiana was arrested recently and charged with theft. Newsome apparently was caught on a store's security camera hiking up her house dress, clamping a 20-pound case of beer between her thighs and waddling out of the store with it. Feel free to insert your own tasteless jokes here...

From the "If At First You Don't Succeed" files... I just have to applaud this guy for the stones it takes to do what he did. Police in Florida really screwed the pooch on this one... Steve Fluegge of Pensacola's home was burglarized recently and all of his valuables taken. Crime scene investigators were on scene and had left a 100-pound plasma screen television in the backyard where they had found it intending to dust for prints. However while the investigators on-scene were busy investigating the inside of a box of Krispy Kremes, the burglar returned and carted off the television... he apparently needed the TV to go along with the gaming system he took on his previous trip that evening.

From the "Jenny Craig" files... an obesity epidemic has swept through the historical gold mining town of Oatman in western Arizona. To add authenticity to the tour, the wild burros that populate the area are encouraged to roam the streets... the only problem with that is that the half million tourists that flock to Oatman annually feed the burros all manner of goodies. The result is wild burros that have "rolls of fat on their necks and big, full bellies." Town authorities are doing all they can to stop the tourists from feeding the animals because if there's one thing that ain't tolerated in Oatman, it's a fat ass.

From the "Natural Selection" files... 21-year old Caleb Schmidt of Phoenix, Arizona, obviously not too bright, was recently drinking in a local bar and managed to get plowed. Seeing the kid hammered, an alert cab driver pleaded with Schmidt to not get behind the wheel and offered to give him a ride home. Schmidt refused and then tussled with the cabbie who had attempted to block him from getting into his car. Schmidt drove off and moments later lost control, hit a concrete median and then a tree which ejected him from the car which then promptly rolled over on him squishing him flat. Not too bright, Caleb. Not too bright.

From the "Thinking Outside the Box" files... Authorities in Utah have unveiled a new program aimed at discouraging drinking and driving... something Caleb Schmidt may have benefited from... The Utah Highway Patrol is letting people practice making that call from jail to let somebody know you've been arrested and charged with a DUI. The caller is allowed to select a "hysterical mother" or "disapproving father" among other choices, to make the call from the pokey to give participants in the program and idea of what that conversation might sound like. No word yet on whether practice call programs will be set up to inform boyfriends/girlfriends of pregnancy, disease or break-ups.

From the "Cassanova" files... 23-year old Terrance McCoy made a date with a woman he'd met a casino in Detroit, Michigan. After they'd eaten, McCoy told the woman he'd left his wallet in her car and needed to go get it. The woman handed him the keys... McCoy promptly stuck her with the bill and stole her car. He's been charged with unlawfully taking the car which carries a 5-year sentence with it. Take notes guys... sticking a woman with the bill and stealing her car is more than likely not going to earn you a second date.

From the "Bride from Hell" files... 39-year old Anthony Miller recently robbed a bank in central Pennsylvania... or tried to anyway. Sort of. Miller approached tellers with a BB gun, demanded the cash and then told them to call the cops. Miller said he robbed the bank to make sure he went to jail so he could be free of his overbearing wife. Wow. First Scott Peterson and then this? Doesn't anybody just divorce anymore?

From the "Right Guard" files... The Honolulu City Council is currently deliberating on a piece of legislation that will make it illegal to ride on a city bus with "odors that unreasonably disturb others or interfere with their use of the transit system." Those convicted of the charge could face a $500 fine and/or up to 6-months in jail for being stinky. The City Council had no comment when asked if they would be hiring additional city employees to sniff the armpits and crotch of every passenger prior to boarding.

And finally...

From the "Economic Stimulus" files... Looks like Britain's economy is about to get a major kick in the butt thanks to a government oversight a quarter of a century ago. According to the article, "Britain should have notified the European Commission of the existence of the Video Recordings Act 1984 (VRA) -- which regulated the industry -- but failed to do so." What does this mean? It means that England's youth will have free reign to purchase all the porn they can handle for the next 3 months... at which time a new VRA will replace the old. Retailers will be able to sell pornographic material to people under 18-years of age without fear of prosecution because of that wee bitty oversight 25-year ago. I think Obama should wait and see if it pulls England out of it's current financial slump.. and if it does, maybe consider adopting a similar strategy.

And lastly... a bonus video clip for you all. About all I was able to say after seeing this was, WTF? Enjoy!

On Second Thought...

2009-08-30T16:48:51Z

Okay, I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. The gods know I’ve had enough practice at it. Well, for years now, I've railed against the right-wing's exploitation of the specter of terrorism and their sickening excitement and glee about torturing detainees held at U.S.-run prisons. But you know... lately, I've started to think that perhaps I rushed to judgment a little too soon. Maybe I was a little hasty in labeling it all sadistic and evil. Perhaps we should pause and reconsider this whole detention and torture for terrorists thing. I mean, it is all in the interest of keeping America safe, right? And we all want to see America kept safe, don’t we?

Let's first start with the definition of "terrorism", shall we?

[ter-uh-riz-uhm] - (noun): ter⋅ror⋅ism The use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.

Terrorism isn't always as dramatic as running into a crowded marketplace with a bomb strapped to your chest or flying planes into buildings... terrorism is psychological, its intent is to strike fear into the hearts of your opponents in order to forward your political agenda. And using my newly-found and enlightened re-thinking about the whole terrorism business, I can therefore only conclude that we have the duty and the obligation to stop terrorism here at home.

The persistent shouting about fictional death panels, lies about forced sterilization and abortion, people showing up to town hall meetings with loaded guns, chants of Socialism! Socialism! Socialism!, the painting of swastiskas on the doors of elected officials, shouting people down at the town halls like the Nazis used to do in the beer halls of Germany, intimidating others with threats of violence and even death… all of these tactics currently being employed seem to fit that textbook definition of “terrorism” like a glove and have led me to the conclusion that the right-wing in this country has become a terrorist network. Their intent is not honest discourse, it’s simply to intimidate and scare the bejeezus out of people. This is a terrorist network that is far better funded and equipped than al Qaeda and given that Faux News has their backs, they're far better publicized than Osama bin Laden could ever dream of being. I mean, we get a grainy, distorted video shot in a cave by candlelight from bin Laden a couple of times a year but the right-wingers get 24/7 coverage on Faux News in Hi-Def!!!

Therefore, to protect this country from terrorists, I think it’s well past time that we start rounding up the Teabaggers, Birthers and other assorted right-wing riff-raff. It’s incumbent upon us, as good Americans that love our country and want to protect it that we gather up Sarah Palin, Chuck Grassley, Rush Limbaugh and everybody of their ilk and frog-march them down to Gitmo for the good of the nation. It’s for our protection and security after all!

Once we have these terrorists in custody, we will of course need to use “enhanced interrogation” techniques upon them to gather information. What with the threats against the President’s life numbering in the thousands per month, it would be reckless and irresponsible to *not* use enhanced interrogation on them… somebody is bound to know something after all! And let’s not forget the anti-abortion crowd… one of them is bound to know when the next attack on a Planned Parenthood clinic or the murder of another care provider is going to be. I think being forced into stress positions for extended periods of time, beatings, sleep and sensory deprivation, threats to have granny raped and their kids killed in front of them, having dogs attack them, sexual humiliation, exposure to extreme heat and extreme cold, maybe murdering some of them and of course, waterboarding the piss out of them might loosen their tongues a bit, don’t you think? Just think of how many terror plots hatched in the brains of these right-wing kooks we’ll be able to prevent! Think of how many American lives we’re going to save!

And because they are not a uniformed fighting-force, we are obligated to label them not ”prisoners of war,” but “enemy combatants” and then deny them any and all protections under the Geneva Conventions as well as other U.S. and international laws and treaties, deny them access to lawyers, their due process and IF we decide to try them in court, we’ll have to make sure that it’s nothing more than a kangaroo court with the deck stacked against them so high, proving their innocence will be all but impossible.

I think taking these steps will dramatically reduce the threat of a terrorist act within our borders. And keeping the country safe is something we should all be about, right? I’m glad that I’ve re-thought my position on the treatment of terror suspects. I’m just sad that it took me so long to come around to the way of thinking of our right-wing brethren. I was wrong and they had it right all along. They knew how to keep America safe and obviously I was just trapped in a naïve, idealistic, kumbaya, “I’d like to teach the world to sing” frame of mind. But I aim to correct that flawed way of thinking now! It’s obviously such a pre-9/11 way of thinking and as we all well know, 9/11 changed everything!

So if you’re a red-blooded, flag-waving, America-lovin’ patriot and you want to see this country kept safe from acts of terrorism, you’ll join my call to help roll up this vast and dangerous terrorist network! It’s imperative that we fight them here so we don’t have to… errrrr… fight them here! We need to fight and win this battle with this Axis of Evil to bring democracy to this country, people! And if you don’t join my call to arms, well… you’re obviously not a REAL American, you hate this country, you give aid and comfort to our enemies and you want to see the terrorists win.

Let the frog-marching begin!!! It’s for our safety and for the good of the country people!

The Lion Roars No More...

2009-08-27T01:58:17Z

Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy
February 22, 1932 - August 25, 2009

“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” ~ Charles de Montesquieu

If this is the measure of greatness, Senator Ted Kennedy achieved it.

Sadly, the nation has lost one of our strongest, most passionate and progressive voices with the passing of Ted Kennedy. His remarkable accomplishments over his 47 years in the Senate have directly touched the lives of countless millions... he was a leading voice on civil rights, education, issues of children's health, mental health and of course, the signature issue of his long tenure, health care for all Americans.

I'm saddened to know that Senator Kennedy will not be there when health care for all is passed this year. And it will be passed.

Senator Kennedy stood up and fought for those less fortunate than he was... He was a champion of true equality and social justice. He, like all of us, had his faults and he had his flaws, but he never failed to fight like hell for the people of Massachusetts and for the people of this country. His voice will be sorely, sorely missed.

Thank you for all you did throughout your remarkable life, Senator Kennedy. Rest in peace.

This is Up To Us...

2009-08-17T03:54:38Z

We've been down this road before, you know. The country in an economic meltdown, bitter partisan fighting, unemployment rates sky high, the people suffering and being crushed beneath the boot of corporate greed, power and corruption... the situation we find ourselves in sucks, but it's not unique. But back in the dark days of the Great Depression, Franklin Delano Roosevelt stepped into the breach with an ambitious... even radical plan to fix this country. And he succeeded. Without FDR's New Deals and all of the programs that stemmed from them, this country may never have recovered from the Depression and enjoyed all of the success and prosperity that we have since then.

But he couldn't do it alone. And he knew it. Faced with stifling opposition from the Republicans, some members of his own party and of course, the corporations, FDR knew he was going to have an uphill fight to get his reform programs through. He knew that he needed the will of the people... loud, strong and clear... behind him, screaming for reform, for change. And to the progressive activists, he said this:

"I agree with you, I want to do it, now make me do it."

We are at that point again in this fight over health care reform. I was outraged when I saw an article earlier today that said Obama was ready to drop the public option from health care reform. The idea that Obama and the Democrats would cave in, yet again, to the GOP and the insurance lobby makes me physically ill. We have the majority... a very clear majority... and the people gave an overwhelming mandate last November to bring real change to this country. Bowing to the money, the corporate elite and the thuggish tactics of the minority party is flat-out disgusting.

But then I got to thinking a little bit... one of the oldest tactics in politics is to float a trial balloon in the media to see how it plays with the people. It's done all the time to gauge the reaction of the public. What I want to believe... what I hope is that the signals from the White House that they're ready to pull the public option off the table is a trial balloon...

What I want to believe and what I hope beyond all hope is that this is Obama's "Now make me do it" moment.

All we've heard for several weeks now is the completely misdirected outrage and anger from the Teabaggers and the insurance industry-backed groups that are astroturfing the town hall events. They are the loudest people speaking out on the issue. Proponents of a public option, by and large, seem willing to let these people scream, hoping that they'll marginalize themselves through their sheer idiocy. For the most part, advocates of the public option have spoken in a whisper. It's time we speak up. It's time we speak loudly. It's time we start to push back against the insurance industry and those who stand with them with some real muscle, with some real force. It's time we make Obama and the Democrats do it.

Look at all of the people in your life... your family, your friends... I'd be willing to bet that you know at least one person that cannot afford health care or that has lost their job and with it their insurance. I'd be willing to bet that most everybody knows at least one person that has been denied health insurance because of a "pre-existing" condition or has been dropped from their coverage for the very same reason. And what are they supposed to do then? Hope and pray that they don't get sick or injured? The for-profit insurance industry places profits first and the care of the people a distant second. Health care, literally matters of life and death in this country SHOULD NOT be determined by your ability to pay.

I'm calling out to everybody that believes that we need a strong public option to get into this fight...

First, we need everybody to write/email/fax/call their elected officials. We need to bombard our Senators, our Representatives as well as the White House with our demand for a public option. We need to flood their offices... we need to make our voices heard loudly, strongly and very clearly. Health care reform without a public option is NOT reform. We voted for change last November and now we are demanding it.

So please, take 10 minutes out of your day and contact your elected representatives. I'm including the links to find the contact information for your Senators and your Representative.

This fight is not over. We have several weeks yet before the Congressional recess is over and now is the time to make our voices heard. If we want real, meaningful health care reform, we are going to have to make it happen. This is on us. Change isn't going to magically happen... it's not going to happen just because we voted Obama in. Change is going to happen when we're all ready and willing to roll up our sleeves, get down in the trenches and get dirty. We have the power to make this happen... the polling shows that a majority of Americans still support a public option... now we need to give Obama and the Democrats the political will to see this through.

They need to hear from us and they need to hear from us now. Obama is asking us to make him do it, so let's oblige him.

I try to not ask this very often, but if you feel strongly that we need a public option and real reform to health care in this country, please re-post this... pass this on. We need to get as many people mobilized and into this fight as possible.

Sarah's Dirty Little Secret...

2009-08-15T07:45:44Z

Or perhaps this should be entitled "What a Truly Loathsome and Disgusting Creature She Is... Part II". A few days ago, I'd commented on Sarah Palin's Facebook posting in which she ridiculously proclaimed that under Obama's health care reform plan, "death panels" would be set up in which government bureaucrats would decide who lived and who died. She even went so far as to use her own handicapped child as a political prop when she wrote:

The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s “death panel” so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their “level of productivity in society,” whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.

According to Sarah, this ridiculous statement was uttered with specific regard to Section 1233 of HR 3200... one of the proposed versions of the final health care bill. Section 1233 specifically deals with end-of-life planning and care and what this proposal was attempting to establish was compensation for doctors who consulted with patients regarding their end-of-life decisions such as advance-care-directives and living wills. Nothing more and nothing less... this provision of the bill was simply empowering a person to deal with their end-of-life needs ahead of time and ensuring that doctors were compensated for their assistance. Seems like a pretty far f'ing cry from the "death panels" Sarah Palin and the sycophantic screaming banshees that make up her base have been ranting about these last few days.

But... the hypocrisy of this woman... the depths she will stoop to and the craven political maneuvering she will engage in apparently know no bounds... And in other breaking news, water is wet... yeah, yeah I know. Still, this seems pretty egregious even for her.

What Sarah doesn't want you to know though... her dirty little secret is that in 2008, then-Governor Palin declared April 16 to be "Health Care Decisions Day" in Alaska by signing a nifty little proclamation... one that can actually still be found on the official State of Alaska website.

Here is the text of then-Governor Palin's proclamation:

WHEREAS, Healthcare Decisions Day is designed to raise public awareness of the need to plan ahead for healthcare decisions, related to end of life care and medical decision-making whenever patients are unable to speak for themselves and to encourage the specific use of advance directives to communicate these important healthcare decisions. WHEREAS, in Alaska, Alaska Statute 13.52 provides the specifics of the advance directives law and offers a model form for patient use.

WHEREAS, it is estimated that only about 20 percent of people in Alaska have executed an advance directive. Moreover, it is estimated that less than 50 percent of severely or terminally ill patients have an advance directive.

WHEREAS, it is likely that a significant reason for these low percentages is that there is both a lack of knowledge and considerable confusion in the public about Advance Directives.

WHEREAS, one of the principal goals of Healthcare Decisions Day is to encourage hospitals, nursing homes, assisted living facilities, continuing care retirement communities, and hospices to participate in a statewide effort to provide clear and consistent information to the public about advance directives, as well as to encourage medical professionals and lawyers to volunteer their time and efforts to improve public knowledge and increase the number of Alaska’s citizens with advance directives.

WHEREAS, the Foundation for End of Life Care in Juneau, Alaska, and other organizations throughout the United States have endorsed this event and are committed to educating the public about the importance of discussing healthcare choices and executing advance directives.

WHEREAS, as a result of April 16, 2008, being recognized as Healthcare Decisions Day in Alaska, more citizens will have conversations about their healthcare decisions; more citizens will execute advance directives to make their wishes known; and fewer families and healthcare providers will have to struggle with making difficult healthcare decisions in the absence of guidance from the patient.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Sarah Palin, Governor of the state of Alaska, do hereby proclaim April 16, 2008, as:

Healthcare Decisions Day in Alaska, and I call this observance to the attention of all our citizens.

Now maybe it's just me... but if you read Section 1233 of HR 3200 and then compare is to Sarah's "Health Care Decisions Day" proclamation, there are some striking similarities. If, as Palin wrote in her Facebook post, Obama's health care plan would establish "death panels," I guess then that according to this official state proclamation by the then-Governor... she was for the "death panels" before she was against them?

Ahhhhh yesssss... Republican hypocrisy, manufactured outrage and as seems usual for the GOP these days, much ado about nothing... breathe it in. This woman really is a loathsome and disgusting creature...