This one comes to you straight from the department of WTF? Please, will somebody in the greater Bentonville, Arkansas area please, please, please beat a gentleman named Earl Adams about the head with a blunt object?

It seems that Earl Adams has called for the city of Bentonville to pay him $10,000 for each of his two sons as well as for the library director to be fired. According to Adams, his two sons, ages 16 and 14 were ahem... traumatized while in the library and stumbled across a book entitled "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book." Adams claims that his sons were browsing for material on military academies when they ran across the ever so offensive book. Apparently, these two adolescents must have been confused, believing it to be a book on West Point or Annapolis because said adolescents, of their own volition, opened and proceeded to peruse the book. An event that Adams says has left his two sons scarred and traumatized.

"My sons were greatly disturbed by viewing this material and this matter has caused many sleepless nights in our house," said Adams in an email to Bentonville Mayor Bob McCaslin.

Oh, I'm sure it's caused some sleepless nights in your household, Hoss. I'm sure it's probably led to an increase in Kleenex consumption around the ol' homestead too. Are you even freaking kidding me? Traumatized? It's probably irrelevant, but they've been "traumatized" by a book they chose to open in the first place. But we shouldn't let that get in the way of some righteous indignation, as well as a payday, should we? And really Earl, was this instruction manual any worse than the stash I'm sure your boys have found under your mattress or in your closet?

Adams had originally asked that the book be relocated to a more inaccesible area, but after some thought and some consultation with God, they determined that the book needed to be pulled from the shelves entirely. In fact, it was God that told Adams to sue! Who knew that the Almight was the litigious type. I'd always sort of figured that if you pissed Him off, he'd rain fire and sulphur down on your ass.

"God was speaking to my heart that day and helped me find the words that proved successful in removing this book from the shelf."

So let me get this straight... God is already in the business of helping people score touchdowns, hit home runs, declare holy war, invade sovereign nations that had no weapons of mass destruction to begin with (Oops! Did I say that?) and now, the Almighty is a book critic too? Wow, that's a lot of hats. Talk about a multi-tasker.

The Library has responded to the threatened lawsuit from Adams and God by temporarily pulling the book from the shelf in the hopes of finding a suitable book on the same topic. "A more sensitive, more clinical approach to same material might be more appropriate for the library." If a replacement is not found, the Library Advisory Board has said that they will re-shelve the book. A move that isn't sitting well with the Adams/God camp.

"Any effort to reinstate the book will be met with legal action and protests from the Christian community," Adams stated in an e-mail.

Oh here we go again... the Christian community trying to ban books. Perhaps they'd be happy if they got to dig a pit, throw all of the books they deem offensive in and set them on fire, as did the governor of another red state that shall remain nameless. Does a little scene like that remind anybody of anything? Hmmmmm... it rings some bells... I'm thinking... Germany under a certain funky-mustache wearing idiot. But I digress.

I would be very curious indeed to see if perhaps this library in Bentonville shelves the Kama Sutra or any of the other "hetero" sex guides. If so, why is there no outrage or protest about those? Or is it simply the image of two women together that has Adams' (and apparently God's, though He could not be reached for comment) little knickers in a twist?

Kudos to the city attorney of Bentonville for refusing to pay the extortion... errrr... "damages" to this idiot. The book in question by the way, is a sex-guide that was approved for use in all public libraries by the Library Journal which the Bentonville library uses to select their material.

Earl, let me just say that you're an idiot. Instead of issuing the call once again, to ban books in the name of Christianity, how about a little parenting? How about talking to your kids, educating them? How about exercising a little parental control over what they watch or read? How about being a parent instead of trying to extort your public library system? Nahhhhh... that'd probably be too much to ask for.